motherhood

Negative birth experience : It doesn’t mean I love them any less…

A link to this article popped up in my facebook timeline recently and this really struck a chord.

I had a caesarean section with both my boys (the reasons for which make for a long protracted story not really appropriate for telling here and now). It’s something I have struggled to come to terms with. Yes, I have two very healthy, happy boys who were delivered safely. I am very grateful to the medical team at my local hospital for their intervention and care. But,  despite this, I still feel pained. Some days I think I wouldn’t change my experience for anything. Other days I wish it could have been very, very different. I guess I am all muddled with emotion when it comes to it. Perhaps all mums are however their babies came into the world. I don’t talk about it much for fear of scaring not – yet – pregnant friends, or out of feeling that people think I’m playing a victim and tell me I should be over it. And if I had a quid for everytime someone says ‘… but they’re here safe and that’s all that matters’. *screams internally* I had a terrible experience. Twice. To acknowledge that and to still struggle with it, doesn’t mean I love my boys any less. These are two very different things.

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I get emotional watching One Born. For one, it’s an emotional show and it doesn’t take much to set me off now. But I weep often for the experience I didn’t have. I watch with fascination watching how amazing these women are. How brave, how focused, how strong. How much I missed out. I wanted to be them. Sometimes women are featured going through c-sections. This interests me greatly. I don’t like blood or surgery normally. But, because I was put under general anaesthetic, I don’t have any memories of my own so I live through theirs.

But back to this article.

I am so glad it happened to appear on my timetime. And I share it here as it might just pop infront of someone else who could do with reading it. This article somehow validated all my mixed up emotions about my negative experiences and gave me reassurance.

Women Open Up About Negative Birth Experiences In Emotional Photo Series

“Most women are very hesitant to speak about what they’ve been through.”

An emotional photo series is giving moms the opportunity to talk about their traumatic childbirth experiences and foster conversation about the issues too many moms face during childbirth.Titled “Exposing The Silence,” the series was created by Cristen Pascucci, who works for the advocacy organizations Improving Birth and Birth Monopoly, along with doula and photographer Lindsay Askins. The two women drove across the country with their own kids and met with moms who had experienced trauma in pregnancy and childbirth — from difficult stories of emergency C-sections to miscarriages to claims of abuse by medical professionals.  

Read more

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